don't wake me; i plan on sleeping in......

it's been about a month since my last post, and a bit too long to catch up on just about everything.

so, i'll do my best to keep it short and sweet.  or just sweet. i know myself too well.

first things first, i had to back out of the long distance relay i so badly wanted to do.  i feel as though i had to let my team down and myself, but larger things called.  Namely, the one month we were not just "not trying", but actually trying not to get pregnant, wouldn't you know there were other plans in store.  I'm about 8 weeks along now, and I'm sure that a ton of people do crazier things in their first trimester.  However, after my husband getting the green light from the oncologist to procreate in late august, we'd been attempting to take over the world by doing just that every. month. until december.

i'm a bit of a planner when it comes to these sorts of little 9 month speedbumps.  so i looked at my calendar multiple times a day calculating my fertility window practically down to the hour.  and then i'd recheck a few more times all before midday just to ensure my days were correct.  i know, a little ocd of me. but let's move on.

i was beginning to think that i was going to have to trade in for a younger model who wasn't defective.  i kid.  it was more along the lines of trading in a husband for a turkey baster.  We had banked future 1/2 progeny in case we may not be able to conceive naturally.  so at the end of the year, when i found out about this most awesome race, i decided that world domination would have to wait, at least until after march 6.

lo and behold, i succumbed to my husband's pleas for "fun," and despite my perfect calculations, another little sprout began to form.  apparently, at least one of his troops is prepped for world domination as it hid out in my hostile environment of a body waiting stealthily for days for the perfect moment to make itself known.

great.  i'm pretty sure i drank after sperm met egg.

anywho, all seemed well at the first prenatal visit.  but back to my decision to quit the race.

ugh. that sounds as horrible as it was to do.

i know that people have run half marathons or more.  and great for them, but getting pregnant is something more important beyond any race i could complete.  heck, it's an endurance event on its own.
plus, the stress of planning was way too much. and if this pregnancy is anything like my last, i'll be pulled over in parking lots napping any chance i get.  so, a weekend without much sleep, lots of driving in a cramped car, and running my 18 or so miles in 36 hours.  i'm afraid that for now, i had to pass.

so, i did.  i thought maybe i could just be a driver for the team.....

EFF THAT.  I WANNA RUN!

so there is my selfish decision.  only, i was the one who lost very much time and money and energy.  it's whatever.  there's always next year!

for the next few months, my running escapades will be toned down, if not completely non existent.  i just have to get past being so sleepy. seriously. and because i haven't quite turned that corner, it's now time for my nap.   yeah, i know. i'm on nursing home time. it happens.

this sh*t is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

this month, i live up to my blog's name.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!??!  i (with the help of a couple more people) have suckered a total of 15 people into participating in the Texas Independence Relay.  let me break it down in nice, square, straightforward numbers: 203.2 miles, 40 legs, 12 member team.  Mar 5-6.  as in running around the clock.   so as of my last post, we hadn't confirmed we would do this.


after that fateful stop at a local running store in san antonio, the kind that are sorely missed in the good ol' rgv back home, i have finally *GULP* completed our team.


"come and take it!" the notorious words shouted at one of the battles of the Texas Revolution.  and then the breakdown of the numbers that i rattled off earlier. 203.2 miles. 40 legs. 12 member teams.  after a crapload more research from my smartphone and macbook and work computer, i've been organizing it.  


how exactly am i prepping?:  transportation to the start a 4 hour drive away and an end a 6 hour drive away, 3 overnight stays, 12 member team, 2-3 roadies (aka drivers), and organizing HOW to split up the 40 legs among 12 people so as to finish in the 36 allotted hours of which at least one person on the team will be running throughout.  it goes without saying, trying to get everyone together to make some decisions has been quite the elusive task.  


after countless emails, texts, and facebook messages to everyone, the response has been underwhelming to say the least.  i have made executive decisions on the team name, logo, how many rooms to reserve, group run times, calling rental car companies to arrange for 2 cars large enough to tote all 15 people and enough gear and food to spend running for 36 hours straight.  i can tell you, without much feedback, i've had to overshoot our needs.  It's easier to cancel room reservations than to try to add on at the last minute when availability is an issue.  


we are right on track, though.  i think i may have rounded em all up for a meeting in a week from tonight.  i'll update soon...crazy as i am, there are 11 other people just as nuts.  and there is a little comfort for me in that!

"the only thing that i pray is that my feet don't fail me now..."

so the holidays came and went too quickly, but thank GOD!  i surely would've gained some good weight.  i jumped and tumbled off the bandwagon.  it was too easy to do so, and that is the story of my life.

either way, i've decided to just watch my caloric intake and up my exercise.  no it's not a new year's resolution. ug.  though it does feel like one.  "fresh new year, fresh new start!" right? blechhh....so wrong.  the timing just happens to coincide with january, and the beginning of it (no less.)

whatevs. i did also find out about this crazy long distance relay of just over 200 miles.  It's split up into 40 legs and you can get a team of 12 to do it.  There is a 36 hour limit to finish, which averages out to a 10-10.5 minute mile.  I can't run that fast.  At least not for more than 2-3 miles....or in the past couple months. So, for some reason, i decided to take on the crazy task of organizing this schhhhhh-tuff.

and all i'm thinking is, "what the crap did i get myself into?!?!?!"  but i'm the team captain of 8 other peeps and 3 more left to confirm.  I've put together a "mixer/informational meeting" to help recruit my last 3 victims.  and if we get them, shoot, it's ON. and then i'll really be pooping some bricks!

i know, in my fear of biting off more than i can chew, my articulation suffers.  forgive. i'll put some thought into my next post.  hopefully. if this doesn't start to eat away at my sleep.  AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

alright, now that that's out of my system...besides the fact that we each will be running about the length of a marathon for a combined 36 hours around the clock in a van full of ladies, i have to look into team shirts, team logo, team name, renting (or otherwise finding) 2 huge suburban-esque vehicles, and overnight accommodations for those who won't be running. oh, and i need to somehow orchestrate exchanges between what will be resting and active vans....wtf?

yeah, long story short, logistical nightmare. and seeing as how, i (team captain) am a slower runner with a couple others on the team, i really can't make up for lost time due to confusion as to who needs to be where and when. ug.

why did i say i'd do this?!?!?!  LAWD, help this child!

yeah, let me stop blogging and start looking for some divine intervention....i guess i should start at amazon.com....they've got everything on that site.

whatcha gonna do with all that junk?!?!

so, i went to my first and second weekly appointments.  and i'm feeling nice and guilty.  because although the first week was 100% successful and no cheating occurred and i lost EIGHT pounds, my second week didn't follow suit.

i baked gingerbread people. and made my reindeer crunch (3 types of chex cereal, pretzels, cheerios and chocolate m&m's covered in white chocolate) and i ate bread. and pasta. and tomatoes.

though i still lost 2 more pounds, i'm pretty grumpy.  and i'm getting especially so because i can't have tomatoes in my salad but twice a week. TOMATOES!  ug.

and then each little box has 6 $4 packets of protein food that doesn't taste so bad, but it all starts to taste the same.   and then i have to check in once a week with my coach who has decided to bump me up to phase 2 even though i have not reached 90% of my goal weight loss.  I've only lost about 25% of the weight i want to take off.

and when i look at it like that, the numbers are motivating.  but i believe i'm going to lose my mind.  there is all this candy and sweet stuff everywhere!  AHHHHH!!!!

but the good news is that i  haven't gained any weight this holiday season.

really, this is all a means to an end, and i have to keep telling myself that there is an end to this diet.  i will go back to "real" food.

and, no.  i'm not delusional.  i know that unlimited splenda and meal replacements and no whole grains isn't exactly worthy of a "health nut" stamp.  but the idea, for me, is to get to a healthy weight so i can start maintaining versus continue to creep up as i had been doing.

i would eventually like to get pregnant again, and my joints can't take the pregnancy weight seeing as how they are suffering now.  i was also preeclamptic during the last trimester of my first pregnancy.  bad for baby. bad for mama.

so no matter how much i want to jump off, i need to stay on.  i will set tiny goals every week of 2 pounds.  so this friday, i'll see what i've done.

"i love you like a fat kid love cake"

so, after a few weeks of thinking about it and a lot of convincing on my part (pleading with the hubs) to start a diet (that costs a decent chunk of change), I am on DAY #3....and doing really well.

i mean, did i want a blueberry pancake or two like i made for my daughter for breakfast this morning?  HECK YES I DID!  do i crave chili and cornbread in this frigid 55˚F south texas winter weather? SHOOT YEAH!  would i love to eat a loaf of french bread for no other reason than it is one of the most delicious gifts just to me from God himself?  WHO DOESN'T?  ok, so the last one is maybe not so universal, at least for the whole loaf.   and maybe my definition of frigid temperatures is a bit relative.   but nonetheless, i have been GOOOOOD!  I mean, my "cheating" yesterday? Two vitamin C tablets.  I know what you're thinking.  They're vitamins.  yes, they are.   Delicious, chewable vitamins of the orange flavored variety. and 100% unnecessary because i'd already had my mulitvitamin that has a nasty aftertaste despite drinking it quickly so it doesn't begin to dissolve in my mouth. eww. 

know this, peeps:  i have NEVER put myself on a diet.  despite reading the volumetrics diet, the south beach diet, how to eat right for your blood type, the end of overeating (to name the major ones), i couldn't buckle down to follow anything.  sure, i tried a few decent recipes.  i dabbled with calorie counting.  but restricted no foods.  i've pretty much always been fully cognizant of what i eat, but i have never deprived myself of a dessert or copious amounts of bread if i felt like eating it.

so i'm sure by now that you've deduced i'm doing a low carb diet.  no fruit for a bit (which is a bit extreme).  i can only take in a ton of veggies and lean proteins.  the crazy part is, i have always known how to eat and what to eat and what has a high glycemic index and what doesn't.  which is why i had to convince my husband to get on my support team for this.  he doesn't understand that, for me, knowing and doing are on different ends of the spectrum.  so, the hand holding support and accountability and menus and meals that this diet provides are all about convenience and ease and variety.  i can't explain it any better than my following theory.

there are two types of people in this world.  the first is the person who has what i call a functioning "satiety button".   food is delicious, but fuel nonetheless.  rarely ever faced with a weight problem due to diet, they eat until they are satisfied without the extra urge to keep eating or picking because the food is "there" or just downright so tasty it's hard to stop.  for these people, it's seldom, if ever, hard to stop. a taste is enough.

then there is the polar opposite.  this second type of person can be incredibly overweight, possibly obese because  of blatant overeating.  however, they can be fit as well.  whether this person is a stress eater, an emotional eater, a boredom eater, there is an issue with food.  The common denominator is the same unhealthy constant urges to eat.  let me clarify that it isn't the cravings themselves that are unhealthy.  it is the persistence and degree of extremity of this drive to overeat, whether healthy or unhealthy foods.  


now, i'll turn it back to me and my personal experience.  i'm slightly overweight.  as in, my BMI is 26. but because i fall into the second category, there is a constant battle in my head every time i think of food....which is a lot.  like an addict, my mind is always looking for the next score.  i love pastries.  they're sugary and doughy.  love it.  love cookies, love cake, love sweet bread.  i started sneaking food because i couldn't just have a taste or even one dessert.  it was several.  a box of little debbie cakes would last me a day.  i rarely buy this stuff.  because when i do, i crave it more.   


i tried to develop an aversion to oreos once.  i succeeded in taking down a half bag before i couldn't eat anymore.  but the next day?  i was searching the pantry for the rest of the bag.  my roommate ate them.  and i don't love oreos any less.  but i digress, the bottom line is i feel that unlike with chemical dependency,  it is physically impossible for me to live without food. so everytime i have to eat, i am faced with the decision of what AND how much i will eat.  left with the freedom of choice, i have been making mostly wrong choices.  so, being told exactly what to do and having to think less is what's helping me through this. 

diabetes runs in the family; as does high blood pressure.  so, i exercise to keep things in check.  i exercise quite a bit.  i enjoy it.  i love being active.  but it's been a pain here lately, literally.  the kicker for me was when i went to the rheumatologist a few weeks ago, and he told me that my sacroiliac joint pain that i've had for over a year now could be alleviated by weight reduction or steroid injections.   no thanks, i'll pass on the latter.

i will slowly start to phase in whole grains, fruits, and an occasional dessert.  but we're talking in a few months.  boo.  in the meantime, i can eat all the lettuce i want. whoop-de-doo. that is EXCITEMENT.

seriously, the excitement comes in kicking the back pain and resetting my pendulum so that my knees won't bother me so much anymore when i do anything.  like run. or jump with my daughter. or chase my dogs.  for me, that's the light at the end of the tunnel.  so, i bid adieu to my former ways as do my darnedest to build a solid foundation of good habits.

yes, i am painfully aware of the fact that the holiday goodies are about to pour in.  that's why i started now.  wish me luck, friends.  keep you posted on my progress after friday's appointment.

this too shall pass...

so after a hiatus from just about everything except work and food, i mustered up enough courage to step onto a scale.  bad idea, said jiminey from my shoulder.  so i started running this week. again.

i was asked to join a marathon relay team where the longest leg is shorter than 6 miles.  man, how i just want to run 5 miles a day 3-4 times a week PAIN FREE!!!!  is it too much to ask?  i mean, it can't help that i've decided to carry a tractor tire around my midsection.  but i'm working on hurling that sucker back to the garbage heap where it belongs.  but it loves me.  and i love the food.  and the sweets.

and LORD HELP ME....the holidays are a-comin'!  i wonder if someone could wire my jaw shut for a few months.  it might help until i start with daily stops to a milkshake place.  mmmm.....milk...shake....*wtf?!*

you see, gotta snap out of it. and gotta get to running like a fool.  seriously my measly run/walk intervals of a total whopping 3.5 miles isn't going to get me any sorts of ready.  now, that being said, if one is running 3.5 miles with run/walk intervals, GREAT!!!!  power to them!  but i ran 8 complete miles as recently as a month and a half ago.  knee injuries suck.  extra weight sucks.  the end.  :(

i'm in miami, b**ch!

of course, the two asterisks in the last word of the title of today's blog are beach!  the comma is just a type-o!

alright, so if you've been paying close attention, cyberspace (crickets), you'd know that the titles of my blogs are all quotes from songs.  so there.  cheesy, but fun and interesting nonetheless.  much like my fragments and run-on statements.   *disclaimer, i was no English major, but grammar is a thing for me.  except for when it's not.

and technically, i'm no longer in miami.  i actually got  home just a couple hours ago.  and not a moment too soon.  my child was about to explode into a ball of fiery tantrums.  seriously.  to her credit, she was a trooper the entire trip including but not limited to the 2.5 hour flight that we flew standby without my baby daddy (there was only one seat available since we missed our first flight) and mom subsequently rolled a stroller with my sweet angel, a suitcase with a carseat held on top, & holding a baby-tantrum-preparation carry-on (i.e. HUGE & HEAVY) to the rental car place at the miami airport where i was refused my reservation because my hubby needed to be present since it was under his name.

i know what you must be thinking.  no biggie, right?  cancel the other reservation and rent whatever is available.  except nothing was. so i tried to call the online "price negotiatiors" with whom my husband booked the rental car.  i explained how we'd missed our flights and had to catch a later flight to miami except we had to split up since we were only able to fly standby.  oh! and how my husband wouldn't be in florida until a few hours later, but that the only flight he was able to catch as standby (with 32 people waiting in line behind him) was to fort lauderdale nearly a 45 minute drive away.  so, i was basically stranded with all the luggage and carseat and baby in tow unless they could find it in their hearts to cut me some slack and cancel the reservation to make the car "available" so i could just rent it directly from the car company.  "i'm sorry ma'am.  but that car would have to sit in the lot and not be picked up so that we could refund you your money."  at that point, in all my frustration and doing my best to fight back tears, i hung up the phone.  and will not be booking a hotel, car rental, or flight through that horrible website EVER AGAIN....they did nothing to help the "common people" that their spokesman sang about as he did a cover of the pulp song however long ago that was.  ug.

at my wit's end, the lady at the counter saw me nearly break down and suggested maybe i take the tri rail to fort lauderdale. and with those darned tears in my eyes and a huge ANGRY lump in my throat, i said i would rather not with a toddler and all my gear, but thanks for the compassion.  and she said to me that she would try to call her boss since i had a baby and luggage....that she hadn't seen me struggle up to the counter now nearly an hour ago.  i'm telling you, my baby girl sat quietly in her stroller like a champ. she giggled and made herself be known to the lady behind the desk who called her boss and magically made a car appear, not without making $60 disappear from my account.  just to get to fort lauderdale.  if you do the math, that's more than $1/minute and the most expensive honda civic ever.  i guess it belonged to jennifer lopez or one of her entourage drove to get her dry cleaning in it or something.

regardless, at that point, i didn't care.  i just wanted to get all my stuff in a car.  put my baby in her carseat and drive.  without struggling to take a few steps and not drop anything. or adjust my stuff so i could steer my daughter clear of walls or columns.

i pulled into fort lauderdale airport as my husband landed.  i was so relieved when i saw him.  it was as if we had spent months apart.   the silver lining:  i am proud that i could handle it all and figured it all out by myself.  but mostly, that i didn't cry when the going got tough.  and i'm not even a crier.  but this would've done it to anyone.  not me though!  or my baby girl!  the rest of the trip was a breeze and so fun and relaxing and wonderful.  time well spent with my family and my brothers-in-law and their families.

i'm just glad to be home again.