ready to start.....

so, my colleagues and i have been speculating for weeks (over a month) that there were layoffs on the horizon with no official word from the large corporation for which i work (hereforeto will be referred to as "the man").

now, it has been beyond difficult to find the motivation to work as i and my team will likely be directly impacted as a result of the cutbacks that are about to occur.  when? sometime between now and the end of the year was the timeframe the rumor mill cranked out.  but as the weeks passed, a certain month became the repeated timeframe.  and for the past couple of weeks, it was a certain day.  this week has ticked by painstakingly slowly, and BOOM!  all of a sudden, i open up an email today from the man, himself, talking about "streamlining" (read: layoffs) and "restructuring" (translation: plopping people into different positions under different management teams with different objectives).  the man went on to say a minimal number of employees would be "exiting" the organization in order to build a company culture of performance (in other words: i hope you brownosed for high marks on your yearly evaluations, buddy, or you don't stand a chance of "reincarnation" in this organization!)


and when is all this to occur???  you guessed it.  the dreaded date that has been flying around these parts.  turns out the rumor mill is more like a rumor mole!  


it's times like these that i'm glad people can't keep secrets to save their lives because now, i'm mentally prepared for whatever may happen.  i could've been blindsided by the man, but thanks to my fellow peeps in the trenches, we're all looking out for one another...to some extent. or maybe someone needed to know that they're not alone in the struggle to stay employed after all this mess.  


either way, i'm not leaving until i get my severance check!  and it makes me no less nervous that i will likely be receiving a call very soon to inform me of my fate.  but i must say, it couldn't come sooner.  these past weeks have been stifling to the point of paralysis.  i'm ready to know and move on!


i'm going to be sure to get in a run that morning, so that the pill goes down with the sweetness of a clear mind and good ol' endorphins  instead of the bitter taste of overwhelming stress that hasn't yet been run out of my system.   *sigh*.........


ce la vie.....i guess i'll catch you on the flipside where, certainly, the grass will be greener :)  

what a difference a day (and a jog) make!

this was the first morning for temperatures to drop below 70.  so with a full 24 hours notice (i visit the weather channel app on my phone about 3-4 times a day to check hourly weather, 10 day forecasts, precipitation, humidity, and, i don't know, any impending apocalyptic weather we might be having--what? don't flip out, may i remind you of the title of this blog?!) i decided to go for a 2-3 mile jog.  but the weather felt so nice i went for 3. then i tried to walk the rest of the way home, but i ran the last quarter mile.  i'm unsure why.  i just felt like today would be the day to turn it around, my poopy attitude being kicked out with the summer heat.

it was a winner.  i decided to let go and just start fresh, stop trying to figure things out, and gain new perspective.  i'll give you an analogy....bear with me on this one.

take air travel, for example.  i know people always try to check their bags at the gate or stuff them into the tiny overhead bins, but then you have to run through the airport with your little roller wheel suitcase. no fun for transfers, and might i add, NERD alert!  and not in a good way. ("i believe in science" so no offense to my fellow nerdies, i'm referring to awkardness, not brain power.)  plus, there is all this time wasted filling little TSA approved bottles of toiletries (because we're green and trying not to introduce more unnecessary plastic into landfills) just so you can get through security, and strategic light packing and wear it two ways dresses, yadda yadda.  let's pretend this is before they charged for every article of clothing you've got on you before you board, and say that it's free to check your luggage at the counter.   and technically, maybe there is a small charge of the risk that it will get lost or misplaced.  but there's a smaller chance of that happening than it getting there right?

whoa.  i think i lost my own train of thought........   !!!  nope, there it is!  what i'm trying to say is this:
make the conscious decision to travel lighter at least through the airport.  check the weight on your shoulders where you can check it.  so much preparation and thought into planning ahead, just to have some other unforeseeable event occur that you didn't pack for.  get ready because it's about to get deep.  life will catch you off guard:  sometimes for the better and sometimes not.  it's impossible to be prepared for everything.  and the best preparation is to expect that anything can and will occur and appreciate ourselves for the resilient and progressively dynamic beings that we are.   so, that is my public service announcement for the day.  and someone remind me to read this when life hands me a swift kick to the stomach.  and now, a word from our sponsors....

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

it's not just the weather that's changing this fall.  sure, the cool breeze has brought some nostalgic memories of times past.  but if all the stress of preparing for this fall's changes doesn't kill me, the uncertainty of what the future holds certainly will.  

so many of the decisions left to be made are teeter tottering on ONE HUGE event, that may or may not take place.  you got it, i have zero control over this one.  and what a difficult thing for anybody, much moreso the control freak that i happen to be.  over the past year (though it feels sooo much longer), there have been a lot of signs that make the control i thought i had over my life that much more of an illusion.  

i think i'm picking up a signal:  .....oooooOOOOOOooooo............something about greater forces at work....one door closes, and another opens......let go.........the book's been written.......oooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooo...........

yeah, i don't know what that's all about!  can't i just get a break, greater forces!  GEEZ!  cut me some slack!!!!

silver lining, where you be?

all in all, it has been a trying week on all fronts.  my little one got sick, i ran awesome on tuesday, but hurt like heck on wednesday.  it was only 2.5 miles when i cranked out 8 just 3 weeks ago!  and work.....ahhh, not much to say there. it was work.

however, i have to keep on truckin'.  i do have a half marathon that i would love to do, especially since i've already plopped down the 100 or so bucks that it takes to run one (and i still don't get a honker of a medal?!??!?  boo.)

either way, i have a doctor's appointment today to figure out what my limits "should" be.  and then, after, i will see if i want/need to listen. ahhh....you know you're a runner if....

doc says we're all the same: won't take no for an answer and run anyway.  like a bad addiction, it's a hard habit to break.  running pretty much keeps me on an even keel.  alas, i would like to continue, AND let's not mention the fact that no one has given me a signing bonus or an amazing $25 million contract over the next five years despite injury to run my body into the ground.

so, i will take my awesome 2.5 miles and 1.5 days of recovery, thank you very much!

it is what it is....eyes on the prize, and for me, it's looking like it may not be this november half marathon i've been training for.  i read somewhere to treat your body like a good friend.  so fine.  poop. time to listen to it....at least for now. ;)

see jane type...

here we go....first blog entry ever.  mostly, i'm going to tackle the hopefully lighter side of living, running, training for whatever event i stumble across, and the music that i LOVE.  and yes, this is my soapbox.  maybe i can one day make lots of money like snooki as a result. ha!

people often ask me what i'm currently listening to, and if you've taken the time to read my profile, you'd know i like to keep abreast of the latest and greatest up and coming artists.  though, i will admit to being out of the loop for a couple months, which feels like an eternity.

so, right now, i'm debating on reading a book i checked out from the library (due in one week, i read all of 5 pages last week. ug.) or brainstorming on the business venture for which my bff asked me to be her partner.

i fear that my brainstorm will quickly turn into a daydream of what i'm going to do with all the billions of dollars once we make it big.  my partner brought me on board because i'm the grounded one. awesome.  we'll see where it goes.  as of right now, i've got to stay grounded, so maybe a little reading might do me some good. or put me to sleep. whatever.

peace out.